You'll Never Believe Me But...

Cutter 0:00
Good evening everyone. My name is Cutter though you may know me as Three Bears In A Coat on air on HD one and welcome to this episode of You'll Never Believe Me But: After Dark

You'll Never Believe Me But is a storytelling podcast being produced here at WKNC about lying to me, every episode I have a guest on and they tell me two stories one real and one fake, and I have to decide which is real between them. Those of you that are new here, or for those of you that need a quick refresher, I'm going to run down the three rules we have here before we get into today's episode. Rule number one, your story should not do significant damage to anyone else or their character. We're not trying to be mean to outwardly mean to anyone other than ourselves. Rule number two, if someone else is featured in the story, you must either have their permission to say their name or use a fake name for them. You agreed to come on the show and tell these stories. But unless they agreed to have these stories told, just use a fake name. And rule number three, and this is the easiest one all stories should start with you'll never believe me but and then a brief synopsis before starting the story just so we all know what we're getting into and as a nice little nod to the show's title. So with all that housekeeping stuff out of the way, let's go ahead and get into today's episode. Today's guest is Elle our video content creator here at the station, a good friend of mine and someone I got to know very well, particularly at World College Radio Day, which is approaching a month ago now, which is crazy. Elle how're you doing?

Elle 1:46
I'm doing great. I'm doing right now. I'm doing good.

Cutter 1:50
Right now you're doing well? Is that in relation to how you might be doing when you start telling your stories? Or?

Elle 1:58
See I'm worried about people listening to this. Sure. Sure. I'm worried about anybody hearing this and knowing these things about me.

Cutter 2:05
Sure, sure. Yeah, I understand. But I appreciate you coming in and being open and honest. And we will just cross our fingers that the people that you don't want to listen to it won't. Which is why we're not promoting this very heavily because a lot of more sensitive stuff that I didn't want, I think it would be interesting to explore. And I think so far we've heard some really phenomenal stories and I'm very excited to continue that with yours. But I do understand these are all of a very personal nature. I mean, mine were personal. I mean, all of our previous guests were pretty personal. And so that's why we're trying to keep this one on the down low.

Elle 2:40
Yeah. Let's just hope that when I'm trying to get a job in like two years, sure, sure. It doesn't come up in my background search.

Cutter 2:49
Well, I'm not I look your full name won't be anywhere on there. Okay, so uh nowhere in the SEO will let have your full name. Okay, probably your first name but like that's I mean,

Elle 2:59
That's chill.

Cutter 3:00
There's there's plenty of Elles in the world I would have to imagine. Yeah, no proof that this is you. Unless on your resume, you're like I worked at the radio station during this time period. And they were smart enough to connect the dots.

Elle 3:12
I don't know I just hope they don't look.

Cutter 3:15
I can't imagine they would.

Elle 3:17
Me too.

Cutter 3:17
Yeah, like how buried would that have to be in like, you'd have to get to the pages like pages of Google in the triple digits I imagined

Elle 3:25
Yeah, that yeah,

Cutter 3:26
So only that

Elle 3:27
But like also, I think I didn't do anything wrong like it's nothing bad that happened is I imagine them listening to it and being like, this is not someone who I want to work with.

Cutter 3:39
Yeah, we'll put a little a little disclaimer in if you are trying to employ Elle and it has been a few years since this recording just know, I personally have been very impressed with Elle's work and this is not reflective of who Elle is as a person.

Elle 3:52
It probably is.

Cutter 3:56
You're not helping, you're not helping my case.

Elle 4:00
I can't lie.

Cutter 4:01
I mean, that's the whole point of this show though. You can lie.

Elle 4:04
Yea true.

Cutter 4:05
It is expected ah, no I'm very excited. Speaking of lying to get into your stories, we were talking about it a little bit before before I hit the record button. And you were telling me that you think these at least one of these maybe both I wasn't really clear on the wording or, are more outrageous adult explicit than Owens stories.

Elle 4:28
Probably explicit

Cutter 4:29
More explicit than Owen's stories.

Elle 4:31
Not gonna go into detail but the nature of both of these stories is detail.

Cutter 4:34
Oh sure. Okay, okay.

Elle 4:38
The only reason I chose these is because they're my only like story stories.

Cutter 4:42
Ahhh

Elle 4:42
and I also

Cutter 4:43
Share

Elle 4:43
have not so this is after hours obviously SFW

Cutter 4:47
After dark.

I'm not at oh yeah After Dark.

No worries, no worries. We have an after hours block I get it.

Elle 4:54
Um, I'm not an average sex, however I don't

Cutter 5:02
Yeah, to clarify, that's that's a little ambiguous on the wording. To clarify, is that is that average relating to the amount or type or frequency?

Elle 5:14
Oh all of the above.

Cutter 5:15
Interesting. Okay sure.

Elle 5:18
Yeah. So I'm not like, I don't have sex often. I don't know. I haven't had sex with a lot of people. And I don't always have like, oh, I don't know.

Cutter 5:30
You don't have the most standard sex?

Elle 5:32
Yeah

Cutter 5:32
Sure.

Elle 5:33
Also, cause I'm trans.

Cutter 5:34
Right no

Elle 5:36
Yeah.

Cutter 5:36
But that does lend itself towards complications in that.

Elle 5:40
Yeah.

Cutter 5:40
In general.

Elle 5:41
Yeah.

Cutter 5:41
Sure, sure.

Elle 5:42
So I would say I'm a below average sex haver.

Cutter 5:47
I really, I really, really like that term. I would I would describe myself as a below average sex haver in a lot of ways.

Elle 5:56
This is like a bonding moment.

Cutter 5:58
This is a bonding moment. This is a bonding moment. I think I have a below average amount and I've had it with a below average amount of people. Yeah, I think I would classify it. I think I'm a Yeah, I don't know. I really do like below average sex haver.

Elle 6:15
I think a lot of people would probably agree and relate with that. So yeah, potential employers maybe this could be like a positive.

Cutter 6:20
Yeah, this is a relatable This is a relatable moment and future potential employers of Elle are you are you too a below average sex haver?

Elle 6:29
If you're like looking through podcasts trying to figure out if you're hiring someone, you're definitely below average sex haver.

Cutter 6:35
Yeah, honestly, if you're yeah, if you're in the hiring search, and you've gotten into college radio podcasts like there is there is something problematic, I think I'd agree. Like, who would have that much time to go that deep into it? Like, honestly, is really what I'd be. I'm fascinated with this with this with this employee that we've created. Yeah, that's able to find this specifically. For any reason. Yeah. It's weird. It's weird, though, to think about, like, this show is like, they're adults who like, listen to this show genuinely, like, I don't know, maybe it's just me, like, I have the same thing with my like, with my radio show. I don't know if you do as well. But like, when I'm doing my set, I'm just like, I'm hanging out. I'm playing music that I like, people will come in, I'll talk to them, I'll do my airbrake, I'm shouting into the void. And then people will call in like I've had people call in, that really throws me I really do not understand that. Because in my little brain, I just have a few friends listen to my show. And my family listens to my show. And I knew that and that's great. And that's everyone who listens to my show, because why would anyone else listen to it? Because this is me. And then I remember that it's radio and people can like put it on in their cars. And I don't know, maybe that's just me. Like, do you feel the same way?

Elle 7:52
I feel exactly the same. Actually could I tell you a brief

Cutter 7:55
Yeah, please

Elle 7:55
Brief story

Cutter 7:55
Yea by all means yeah.

Elle 7:56
Yeah okay so basically, I have been invited as like a permanent guest on my friend's set. I'm not actually a DJ, I'm a videographer.

Cutter 8:04
Yep.

Elle 8:05
And I haven't gone through the DJ training yet, but I will.

Cutter 8:07
Sure.

Elle 8:07
Um, but I've been been invited. Sunday's two to four, to hang out with my friend, DJ B URI, and be on his show. Go tell em on the mountain. I've done it the last three Sundays.

Cutter 8:18
Amazing.

Elle 8:19
This Sunday, after I was on air. I had planned to go to a Tinder date at 4:30 at Cup of Joe.

Cutter 8:32
Okay. I've already I can already see the web we've built sure.

Elle 8:38
So this, I go straight from radio to meet, actually. And every time I've said this to someone, they've judged me, and that's okay. I'm welcoming of judgment. And I think I should be judged for this.

Cutter 8:49
Okay.

Elle 8:49
The Tinder date was with a couple.

Cutter 8:52
Uh huh. Yeah. Okay.

Elle 8:55
That was the most awkward laugh.

Cutter 8:58
I was I was not ready. That's all I was just wildly unprepared.

Elle 9:02
I mean, it gets more pathetic than that.

Cutter 9:04
Does it really?

Elle 9:05
Yeah.

Cutter 9:05
Okay, so you went on a Tinder date to cup of joe with a couple after you were a guest on your friend's DJ?

Elle 9:10
Yeah well they stood me up. So it's just me.

Cutter 9:13
Oh my gosh,

Elle 9:14
It's just me yeah.

Cutter 9:15
You got stood up by two people? That is so much worse than being stood up by one person.

Elle 9:23
I kind of agree.

Cutter 9:24
That is upsetting.

Elle 9:25
I'm suspecting I was catfished and that this these people do not exist.

Cutter 9:28
Hmm. I would believe that.

Elle 9:30
Yeah.

Cutter 9:30
I would believe that.

Elle 9:31
Yeah.

Cutter 9:31
I feel like it'd be I feel like it'd be hard to get two people on the same page to stand up somebody you know.

Elle 9:37
Yeah.

Cutter 9:38
Like, yeah, I I really, I I'd argue that you were catfished.

Elle 9:43
Yeah, me too.

Cutter 9:43
Instead.

Elle 9:44
Anyways I was at the I was at the coffee shop. And normally when I'm at a coffee shop, I don't have had, I do have headphones in so I'm not listening to whatever radio they have on or whatever.

Cutter 9:57
Right.

Elle 9:57
But I was there for a date. So I was just drinking a coffee with not my headphones in because I'm waiting for someone right.

Cutter 10:01
Because you're waiting for not for someone you're waiting for two people but

Elle 10:06
You keep bringing it up.

Cutter 10:06
I bring it up because it is funny. Yeah, no, of course no reason to have your your headphones on. Sure. Sure.

Elle 10:13
Yeah. So I was listening to the radio. And I was like, this is country music. This reminds me of Big Sam who goes on after.

Cutter 10:20
Who has who has a four to five show on WKNC

Elle 10:23
Yeah.

Cutter 10:23
Yeah, yeah.

Elle 10:25
And then the airbrake happens, and it's Big Sam.

Cutter 10:29
Yeah. Cup of Joe plays WKNC a lot as far as I'm aware.

Elle 10:33
I went up and asked the barista, and she's like, I was like, this is WKNC do you have this on a lot? And she was like, we have it on all the time.

Cutter 10:40
Yeah.

Elle 10:40
Wait and I was like, did you just hear a gospel set with two people talking? And she was like, she said, yes, but her face like kind of made it like a weird face. Like she liked the music, but not the talking. So my voice was in that coffee shop. Yeah, like 30 minutes before I went in there.

Cutter 11:00
30 minutes before? Yeah, your voice really, really I dunno sound travels faster than you do I guess. There's no joke there. I just no it's crazy. Yeah, it's wild. That's a wild experience.

Elle 11:12
Radio travels faster than Tinder.

Cutter 11:14
That's no, I mean, it. Clearly it does. Tinder seems to not travel at all. It wouldn't be here. So. Wow. That is what a fascinating story that is so. so barely related to radio as a segway. No, no, don't apologize. I loved it. I think that's a great. I think that's an even better segway. We've now bridged from we were talking about radio, we've loosely transitioned to this story. And now we can jump right into after dark your stories. Because I mean, I know you I mean, I don't know your stories. I feel I feel like a Tinder date probably isn't that far removed from the stories you're gonna tell? You don't have to comment on it. There's a deep breath for those of you listening.

Elle 11:56
Oh no.

Cutter 11:57
You don't have to comment on that. I just I just feel like whichever way that, you know, whichever way that tinder date was gonna go it probably couldn't have been that far from stories of this type.

Elle 12:08
I mean

Cutter 12:09
Who's to say who's to say

Elle 12:11
Let me apologize to future you.

Cutter 12:14
What me in, in a few seconds when I tell you to take away and you tell these stories? Yeah. Oh, wonderful. Well, I guess with that out of the way now that you've apologized, uh Elle take it away.

Elle 12:25
You'll never believe me, but there's very likely a small amount of my DNA flying undiscovered on the 10th floor of Metcalf.

Cutter 12:44
What a what a way to phrase that. Now, here's what here's what I'll say if we were in a regular season, I would have to imagine you had lost a chunk of hair and buried it somewhere deep in in 10th floor Metcalf.

Elle 12:58
Well, I'm sure there's also chunks of my hair.

Cutter 13:00
I mean, I'm sure there are I'm sure that those dorms do not get well cleaned. However, because this is After Dark, I can all vote assume that you do not mean you left behind a chunk of the hair on your head.

Elle 13:15
So I wanted to avoid for the at least the summary. The big C word. I think both of these stories it's really like the sun that the universe of both of these stories revolves around.

Cutter 13:29
Is it really now?

Elle 13:30
Yeah.

Cutter 13:30
Wow. Okay, sure. Sure. Okay. Understood.

Elle 13:34
So just everyone listening understand talking about cum.

Cutter 13:38
Yep, we got to rip off that band aid at some point.

Elle 13:41
Talking about cum

Cutter 13:42
Yup

Elle 13:42
And we're not going to stop saying cum for the next however long this podcast goes.

Cutter 13:47
Wow. Okay. That is a that is a brave disclaimer. I appreciate you doing that and that does make me fascinated for what your second story is but we do have to get through this first story first. So please how did you leave behind a trace of of you in 10th floor Metcalf?

Elle 14:06
I want to get something else out of the way. Oh, okay. Please pardon it for the story.

Cutter 14:09
I imagine.

Elle 14:13
You have a male body.

Cutter 14:14
I do. I'm very familiar.

Elle 14:16
You have male hormones.

Cutter 14:17
Also true.

Elle 14:18
Male brain.

Cutter 14:19
Sure. No so ye, yeah, so true.

Elle 14:21
Things that I was born with.

Cutter 14:23
Yes. Absolutely.

Elle 14:24
And you understand the, the degree to which down bad extends?

Cutter 14:35
Yeah, I Yes. I'm aware. Yeah, yeah.

Elle 14:39
You're aware of the worst moments of being down bad.

Cutter 14:41
I've caught the down bad bug before. Yeah, sure.

Elle 14:45
Okay, so I was experiencing the down bad bug.

Cutter 14:51
Sure. How like what grade of down bad are we? Are we just regular down bad? Are we down horrendous? Where are we on that scale?

Elle 14:59
I had a long term partner who was long distance.

Cutter 15:03
Ohh yep. Okay.

Elle 15:04
And this is like the beginning of college didn't really have any friends. So it was extending beyond just sexual frustration. It was like, just,

Cutter 15:14
Yes, sure.

Elle 15:15
Pure straight boredom. Like, I had nothing to do. And I was going to be alone in my dorm, freshman year. For a full two days.

Cutter 15:26
Mm hmm. It's a long time to be alone in your dorm.

Elle 15:29
Yeah, so you know, the down bad bug creeped in.

Cutter 15:34
Mhm it always does.

Elle 15:35
Bit by bit.

Cutter 15:36
Yep.

Elle 15:37
All right and, you know, I can't like attribute this to myself. But the Google search was made fun ways, interesting ways.

Cutter 15:50
Uh, huh.

Elle 15:51
To pleasure yourself.

Cutter 15:52
Sure. Yeah.

That is that is such a combination of boredom and being down bad. Yeah. Like that's a natural combination. Yeah. Okay, cuz you're doing bad, but also you're like, hmm, feels too standard. Let's do some fun. No, yeah I get it.

Elle 16:06
Exactly and I was gonna be alone for so long, and I don't usually jack off. Right. And I in the dorm, but like, I had nowhere else to go. I couldn't go home. I didn't have my car with me.

Cutter 16:19
Sure. No, makes sense. Yeah.

Elle 16:20
Um, I hope my roommate doesn't fucking listen to this.

Cutter 16:26
Anyways, he wasn't there. She wasn't there. I don't know if

Elle 16:30
He wasn't there.

Cutter 16:31
He wasn't there.

Elle 16:32
He wasn't there.

Cutter 16:34
So you made the Google Search.

Elle 16:37
Fun ways to jack off.

Cutter 16:38
Sure. No, again. Makes total sense.

Elle 16:41
Click on top 10 list.

Cutter 16:44
I have to imagine that this was the this was the BuzzFeed of that side of the internet.

Elle 16:50
Yeah, yeah.

Cutter 16:50
Or it honestly may have just been regular BuzzFeed.

Elle 16:53
Maybe.

Cutter 16:53
Sure.

Elle 16:54
Cannot remember.

Cutter 16:55
Top 10 fun, new interesting ways to get off. Yeah, sure. Makes sense. Okay. Sure.

Elle 17:05
Um, you know, this shit, like, cut a hole in a banana and microwave it like that.

Cutter 17:14
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Elle 17:16
I'm not gonna elaboarte on that.

Cutter 17:17
What do you mean stuff like that. That's not you know, not like I've heard of the cutting a hole in it. Like, I've I'm familiar with those kinds of jokes. I've never I've never thought yeah, let me microwave this. What is that? What does that do?

Elle 17:36
I don't know. It's like warm. It's like warm. I haven't done that. I didn't do that one.

Cutter 17:41
No, no, I figured from the way that you said there was enough disdain there. Yeah, sure. Okay. Understood. Okay, so it's not the banana one.

Elle 17:49
Yeah, I was here to be honest. So I would tell you if I had.

Cutter 17:52
You are on the show about lying for honesty, nothing else.

Elle 17:55
Yeah. Well, I have to be honest in my lies, so that they're more believable.

Cutter 17:58
So true. And absolutely.

Elle 18:00
Here comes the honesty in the lie.

Cutter 18:01
Oh, ha.

Elle 18:02
I did think about it.

Cutter 18:03
Yeah, look, that's fascinating. Just from like, an objective perspective. That's, that's bizarre enough for me to go huh I wonder.

Elle 18:11
I had a banana in a microwave.

Cutter 18:13
Yeah.

Elle 18:14
But I was like, that's actually no, that's actually gross.

Cutter 18:16
Yeah, that is gross. Absolutely.

Elle 18:18
And so

Cutter 18:18
I have a I have a not to not to interject here. I have a nauseating reaction to the smell of bananas. Like they make me nauseous and so I think that would have been a fascinating little, little experiment. Please continue.

Elle 18:36
Why?

Cutter 18:37
Okay, no, I will not elaborate on that.

Elle 18:39
I don't want you to but my brain is elaborating.

Cutter 18:43
No I understand. I understand. Anyway. So what did you do from this top 10 list?

Elle 18:49
I rounded out the list that the list ended and nothing really interested me. The last thing was like, basically a way to fuck a balloon. And I was like, huh,

Cutter 19:02
That?

Elle 19:03
This seems very easy. This seems like this seems like the easiest thing that you could do like, not like, low stress. Low stress. Like not a lot of setup.

Cutter 19:11
Sure. You just need a balloon. Ye it would seem

Elle 19:14
Well you blow up a condom.

Cutter 19:16
Oh, yeah. No, that makes total sense. Yeah. Okay. Sure.

Elle 19:20
So, I was like, okay, I'll just try this.

Cutter 19:22
Yeah.

Elle 19:23
Cuz, you know, I got nothing else to do today.

Cutter 19:27
Sure.

Elle 19:27
Um, I'm sorry.

Cutter 19:29
No, don't apologize. Don't apologize. I. You're, you're brave. You are a brave soul. So you blow up a condom, I imagine.

Elle 19:39
Yeah. Blow up a condom like a balloon. And you got to make like a hole through this balloon basically. So what'd she do to make a hole through balloon is you push something small? Yeah, like a bottle cap or something like that through one side of the balloon. Push it through the little latex on the other side so that the side against two layers and then you tie something that keeps set in place. So you make like a little mini glove if you will. Okay, can you imagine this? I can I can I can picture it. You basically you push something into a balloon. Yep. And it's like kinda like a slingshot, but you, you keep it on the one end.

Cutter 20:15
Oh, okay. That was I like that description. Okay, I understand. Sure. So you do that with I guess I imagine a bottle caveat lying around or so.

Elle 20:25
The only thing I had was a quarter.

Cutter 20:28
Okay,

Elle 20:29
I push this quarter through the blown up condom Sure. I with a hair tie. Do my business. didn't really feel like anything. So I was just like, Okay, I'll just do normal. Yeah, I just go with normal vibes. But I used the little balloon as a disposal bin

Cutter 20:46
make sense to me. Yeah, already. You've already blown up a condom. My waist. Yeah, totally understood.

Elle 20:51
I was like, this is here. I kind of have nowhere else. i Right. No,

Cutter 20:55
I get it. I'm like, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Okay, sure.

Elle 20:59
So, here I am. Sitting butt naked. Yeah, my dorm. Yep. On the fucking little like, whatever that uncomfortable seat that they had and holding. Blown up condom. Little hole in it. And that hole was full of come. Uh huh. Yeah. And now the plan is this I have to get the come out of the balloon. Okay, and I have to unblock the balloon.

Cutter 21:30
Okay, I've got a question. Yeah. Why?

Elle 21:32
Because I don't want to come balloon in my dorm right? No, I mean throw the whole thing away. Yeah, with the air in it. Yeah, but then when pop at some point and then come would go everywhere in the back

Cutter 21:43
and and that's not your problem. Yeah, it is. It's my column I'd say I'd say you put it in you put it in your trash you take the trash out that day. Doesn't matter how full your trash is. I don't know I would I would put it in the trash. I'd take it out get rid of it.

Elle 21:57
I wanted it to not be blown up because I felt like this is a bomb with my car and it will spray my wherever it blows up. If I put this down the trash chute it will land and spray calm on someone who's walking past I was literally so terrified and then I was like oh this is gonna I'm gonna be fucking labeled a sexual assault because they're going to test the DNA my comm I knew me and then they're gonna be like, Why did you make it come bomb? Trash. And

Cutter 22:23
I by the way, by the way, I really liked come bomb. I met so good.

Elle 22:30
It's a good band name that

Cutter 22:32
is a great band name. I'm trying to think of a setup to where the to have a setup involving robbing a sperm bank with some sort of Bom Bom. I'm not exactly sure how it's going to work yet. But I know there's a joke in there somewhere. Okay, I get it. I get a follow up point is here's what I would have done if I were in that situation. Alright, first thing I would have done, put it in, put it in my trash bag and throw the whole trash bag down the trash. Yeah, and tie

Elle 23:01
the trash bag. No, it makes sense. I just didn't want it to be blown up and I didn't want to pop it because then I was like, Well, if I pop it you know honestly now that I'm thinking about it if I could have closed the bag, put my hand in the bag alone and then just popped it and then just right now for some reason I wanted the quarterback as

Cutter 23:17
well. Well, I mean, yeah, no, you can't waste money like 20 Yeah, sure. backorder I wanted to go to the No way.

Unknown Speaker 23:30
I was really thinking about it. I was just like, this come quarter for a bag of Cheetos.

Cutter 23:35
Hey, man, multipurpose Sherm. Okay, so you do need a way to get the quarterback at this. We've agreed on that.

Unknown Speaker 23:43
Oh, so I dry so why am I telling this story?

Cutter 23:50
Okay, I'm sorry. No, you're fine. You're fine. Deep

Elle 23:52
breaths. I dried somewhat off and I was undoing the hair tie to get the quarter out chair so that I can untie the balloon totally makes sense. Make it not a balloon anymore. No tension there. No. Calm bomb. I was defusing the combo. Yeah. defusing the bomb. Absolutely. Okay, sure. So in my process of refusal, I untie the hair tie. Sure. And now I'm holding the quarter on one side of the balloon. Okay. And this quarter is is through both sides of the balloon. So as you can imagine, there's a lot of tension there, right? Sure. Remember me describing it? In the beginning of this, yeah. Uh huh. You remember the word I used?

Cutter 24:35
Oh, gosh. I mean, we I mean, I really just can't stop thinking about it as just a bomb at this point. Well, initially, I said it was a slingshot. Yeah. Okay. Sure. There's

Elle 24:46
a reason I said it like that.

Cutter 24:49
You're setting up for right now. When I imagine the quarter

Elle 24:55
launched to unknown part of the room. just gone. Completely gone. I let it go. The hum quarter shot out. And and I and it was facing my roommates side of the room. Okay, because I was sitting like in my desk like No, that makes sense. Yeah shot behind me. Okay. And I was facing it.

Cutter 25:17
Yeah you're operating on it makes sense. Yeah, absolutely.

Elle 25:20
So it shoots to the other side of the room gone and I'm completely naked like freaking out trying to find this buck in come quarter. Absolutely crawling around the dorm for 45 minutes. 45 minutes. Yeah, looking for the calm quarter because I go through this whole scenario, right where my roommate wakes up one day and says Why is a quarter in my bed and why is it wet? Uh huh. And

Cutter 25:40
I'd argue. I'd argue that's a fair point.

Elle 25:43
I'd argue in two days. It would have been dry. I 100%. Agree. But

Cutter 25:49
when you're in when you're in that moment, I get it. Yeah, it's all panic. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Sure. You're looking around.

Elle 25:55
Yeah, I don't want my come some rent where random you know, dorm that makes sense. Totally. Never found this quarter. Never, never found this quarter. Wow, I went through so many scenarios in my head, like, like, my heart was pounding the next like, five days that my mom was in that my roommate was in the dorm? Absolutely, you know, find this fucking quarter and you can be like, hey, what was their quarter? My sock? Why does it smell weird?

Cutter 26:21
I was like, no, absolutely. I get it. You just craft those scenarios until they don't happen. Yeah. So that's the come quarter store. And so it's just gone. It's complete. It's what's probably still in I mean, sure. Wherever it ended up.

Elle 26:33
It probably still has dried. Come on it. Wow. Maybe someone used the come quarter for Cheetos.

Cutter 26:38
Maybe Maybe it really did. I really hope it did fulfill its destiny. I hope so. You know, I think that would be phenomenal. That would be what a round about do you want to start? Do you want to go to whoever is living in the dorm you lived in and asked if they found a quarter?

Elle 26:51
Not even a little bit. Okay, that's wonderful. I want to stay away from that building. Every time I see the bill. I pass it today. Oh, really? Thinking about it. I was like, dang, there's my common there somewhere,

Cutter 27:01
somewhere. Somewhere. I'd like to hope I know it's not true. I'd like to hope they clean it enough to where they would have found it. When

Elle 27:11
I came in. There is like a Cheeto had like bites out of it from like a roach or like oh my god because

Cutter 27:19
I know people who had clothes in the in the dressers when they moved in really like yeah, some of these like people's clothes. I think we might have had a sandal. Oh, nice. That's that's good, though. A one sandal? Yeah. I mean, that's that's a weapon.

Elle 27:36
I left behind. I hit the holiest of yields. Oh, okay. Uh huh. Right down behind my come.

Cutter 27:44
Oh, I mean, yeah, no, I mean,

Elle 27:47
I mean, did you take the sandal? Or did you leave that to? Is that just Well, I think my roommate threw it away.

Cutter 27:54
upsetting. You start creating a little a little stash of like passed along. Remnants passed along goodies to come court one sandal? Come quarter. Yeah. Which hopefully turned into you know, blood money. Cheetos. Imagine not, money come money. She does. I feel so great. If that happened.

Elle 28:14
Imagine there's someone in my old dorm who's like, I wonder where this quarter came from? And why was in such this weird place and why it

Cutter 28:21
was and why it was jammed between the like, piping that goes through the ceiling. And yeah, no, I would really love to

Elle 28:27
imagine that listens to the podcast learns the origin story. Oh, my God.

Cutter 28:31
They're like, I wonder. Certainly, certainly. It's not my room in the 10th floor. Yeah. Metcalf like It couldn't be. It's not yours. If you're listening. It's not your Yeah. If it's not your room if you're on the 10th floor. Metcalf it's not that one. Yeah, trust us. It's not that one. Yeah, promises. Wow, that's phenomenal. I am so astonished.

Elle 28:51
You shouldn't be You should be ashamed that you know me.

Cutter 28:54
I think that's a no, I think that's phenomenal. I think that's amazing. I I'm really a fan of that. If that's not true, I will be very upset. I just want to say that now even before you tell us a story. That is that is so visceral, that if you came up with that, I will I will fear for you. I will I will send you I will send you a consultation for a therapist, if you came up with that. Um, two times a week. Heavy. Amazing. Yeah, maybe maybe we'll bust out like just for a month, three times a week. Just a little

Unknown Speaker 29:35
today, just about

Cutter 29:37
a month just to get it all out. If you would manage. Come on with us. Wow, that's phenomenal. Oh, very, very sorry. Hey, don't apologize. I'm a fan of story. I like it. Oh,

Elle 29:47
thank you so much. You'll never believe me but my roommate witnessed me. Washing come out of someone's hair.

Cutter 30:00
Wow. Okay, so I got a question. I've never been in Metcalf or is it like, is it like a? Is it suite style? Is it hotel style? How are the dorms laid out in Metcalf? Before

Elle 30:13
we get into the story? Yeah, it's um, it's suite style. Okay, so this is a suite dorm. So

Cutter 30:18
you had set seven, seven roommates, five roommates,

Elle 30:23
no idea, but none of them liked me. And we didn't really? Ah, they're sure. And it was sweet style in a way that's like one dorm and you only share one roommate. But the we all share a bathroom. Right? Right. Now when I say washing, I don't mean well with a little bit of water, but it was in the dorm. So no one else saw it other than like the roommate. Okay.

Cutter 30:43
The particularly roommate Sure. Understood. Yeah. Uh huh. All right. I mean, not please go ahead.

Elle 30:52
Okay, so this is also part of the down bat.

Cutter 31:00
Alright, I would imagine so this is a

Elle 31:03
pre transition. Both of these stories are pre transition. Okay. Sure. And when you get on hormones, you become I view it as I was freed, from the down back. Read from this, like, fuckin constant desire to talk about think about and, like, have sex all the time? Sure. Um, because, you know, like, a lot of cisgender men kind of have that like obsession. Yeah, like, it's only chemical. Yeah. Um, you know, I now I'm kind of beyond that, just because of this medication that I'm on. Wonderful. Um, so looking back at both these stories is incredibly horny. Yeah, I imagine quite a treat. Yeah, sure. Sure. But this one in particular? Sure. I really went out of my way. Okay, anyways, yeah, please just start. Sure. So this is post relationship. I was not in a relationship at this point, long term relationship, one that I mentioned in the other one, but I was still sexually frustrated.

Cutter 32:04
I'm out. That makes sense.

Elle 32:07
This was before I came out, as trans and I knew that I liked men. I'm pansexual. Um, but I knew that I was also attracted to men. So I kind of thought, oh, I should get like Grindr. Make sense. I count like, like a gay man's account. Sure. Um, and so I download Grindr. Yep, make an account. And I'm honest, by nature very clearly. So I put my real face. I put my real age and stuff like that. And then I was 18 at the time. Haha.

Cutter 32:40
I feel like there's a particular reason you're telling me all this, but I suppose we'll get there.

Elle 32:44
Well, because, yeah, it's not like, it's not some crazy or unexpected. It's just okay. I'll tell you one thing, and then you'll know what I'm about to say. You can't control whether or not people can send you pictures. And you also cannot control how old people are to DM you. Really? That's actually yeah, you can't control who DMS you. Oh, it's just it's not like Tinder where you swipe right. You don't have to match.

Cutter 33:13
You can just send people messages. You scroll through a bunch of different profiles. That is odd. Yeah. That does seem like we could create a lot of ah, unhinge situations.

Elle 33:24
Yeah. So I got a fuck ton of dick pics. I got to fucked on a book and 57 year old dude. Professors and stuff. Oh, amazing. Yeah,

Cutter 33:32
he like add state professors.

Elle 33:34
I don't know. But one person that I recognized it was like IT administrator here. No, certainly

Cutter 33:39
not. Yeah,

Elle 33:41
no, I'm serious. I'm a DME. I have a micro penis. I think it might have been what counts? That's like a joke in the US the administrator?

Cutter 33:48
Yeah, I would. I would, I would have to imagine. Yeah, that feels that

Elle 33:52
feels like a bit. You know, you get all these big picks. You just get weathered down your standards get lowered and then someone just DMS you being nice. Like, Hey, how are you? And you feel that's all it takes? That's all it takes? Yeah, no, absolutely. I'm like, Damn this person. So nice. Like,

Cutter 34:07
sometimes sometimes. This person did not immediately send me a dick pic. Yeah, wow. Okay. Yeah, sure.

Elle 34:13
My one move is always what kind of music do you listen to?

Cutter 34:16
I would have I would have to imagine. Yeah. I feel like that's I feel like that's a classic. I work at a radio station move. Not not in like a bad way. Just like that's such an easy go to.

Elle 34:26
Yeah, yeah. So we get to talking. We're gonna meet up. And if you don't at my dorm. Uh huh. Okay. Sure. And, you know, I'm, I didn't ask this person before telling story. So I'm not going to tell really any details. Perfect. That's a lie. I'm going to tell one very big deal. Okay, sure. That I've already told. Sure. At the end of the interaction, yep. There was common this person's here. Yeah. And wow. The strategy. It was a mistake wasn't like purposeful.

Cutter 34:58
No, I figured I would assume Yeah, just making sure no, no, again, I Yeah, that would be that would be quite the quite the intentional act for both parties to be okay with, especially given this scenario.

Elle 35:11
Yeah, sure. Um, anyways, so again, like paper towels and stuff, just like going from the root of the hair and the hair.

Cutter 35:21
Honestly, I couldn't I could not. I could not come up with a better way to do that. I don't think

Elle 35:25
yeah, no, it takes a while. Yeah, I mean, that makes your eyes quick. And yeah. Just like having gum in your hair. Yes. Yeah. No toes like having gum in your hair. Yeah. So at this point, my roommate who I thought was going to be gone that weekend, too, because he left most weekends. Hmm, start shutting the door. That That does seem to be a problem. It does seem to be a problem.

Cutter 35:48
I've, I've got a clarifying question. On on the order of operations here Are either of you clothes at

Elle 35:53
this point? So we're half clothed. Okay, at this point, we had our pants on but

Cutter 36:00
I mean, yeah, no, that makes sense. So

Elle 36:03
walks in. sees a shirtless man with the pre transition. Shirtless trans woman fucking coamings some hair dye. Yeah, no, it

Cutter 36:16
could have been heard. I

Elle 36:19
was just said it was gum. Yeah. Just said was gum. Yep. We didn't explain why we're shirtless. He grabs it from his, uh, his little cubby. Yeah, he had forgotten.

Cutter 36:30
Oh, wow. He came back because he had forgotten something. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And to think that never would have happened if he had just remembered all his shit.

Elle 36:40
Yeah. And his belt was unbuckled. Still because he hadn't been right.

Cutter 36:44
Because why would you? Because you're, you're just getting gum out of his hair. Yeah. Yeah.

Elle 36:47
So I mean, I'm sure he didn't believe me.

Cutter 36:52
No, I'm sure he would not have I'm sure he never believed you. But

Elle 36:56
I'm sure he told everyone he knew about that. I would. I think that's hilarious. And I'm sure that it was the most embarrassing thing that happened to the three of us outside of telling the story online. Yeah.

Cutter 37:09
Now Now this story is on the internet. Yeah. So that is marginally more embarrassing, but I don't know for who?

Elle 37:17
I'm probably for me, probably because it wasn't telling

Cutter 37:21
the story. So you're taking ownership back over it? Yeah. You know, I don't know. I like I like to believe like, that is such a like, shitty acting in a porno. Like, like you want, like, somebody walks in. You see someone very clearly trying to get come out of the other person's hair. And they're like, it's like, and they're shirtless. And they're like, oh, it's gone. It was an accident. Just grab your shit and like, quickly walk out.

Elle 37:45
I don't even know if he said anything. If he said anything that day. I think he was just like, I think he just walked in saw us and like his eyes go wide, grabs his shit. And I think I told him it was gum later. But I think it was one of those things where it was like, hey, remember when that happened? And the other person clearly doesn't want to remember it. It's like yeah, I do. But he doesn't want to talk about it. Yeah, no, that that was laserable it was like um, yeah, sure. That was just gone. Okay, we're just relaxing in the old friend of mine. Yeah. I don't know why I felt the need to like clarify that later. After we had already I think that

Cutter 38:18
I think that makes it worse. Yeah, you just let it be. I don't think I think that would have been the move. I should

Elle 38:23
have just not made him remember that just not said

Cutter 38:25
anything. Yeah. And just been like, you know what, let's all let's all willfully ignore what happened? The worst part? Oh, please.

Elle 38:32
When I told him that it was gum. Haha. We were at a dining hall.

Cutter 38:35
No. That that might be one of the like, I know. I don't get bothered when people like Oh, I'm going to tell you a growth story. You got to stop eating because that doesn't really that shit doesn't really like get to me in that way. That might have done it. Yeah, that might have done it. I mean, no, no, I'm not eating right now. I imagined for your roommate. That was probably pretty, pretty upsetting. I was

Elle 39:02
an awful roommate.

Unknown Speaker 39:05
isn't such a bad, right.

Cutter 39:07
Oh, look. Oh, you've done it. This point is fling a calm quarter somewhere on his side. And well see, here's what's good, though, is unless you're rolling a major fast one. Both of these stories aren't true. So you've only either put a comm quarter into his section of the room and lost it forever. Or told or brought up the getting common someone else's hair that he walked in on you at at a diner? Yeah. So I mean, really, if you think about it, it's only one of those things. I mean, probably unless you've crafted these stories in a way that those parts are both true in some way. But wow, what an event? Yeah, what a moment I had is phenomenal.

Elle 39:57
I'm so sorry to anyone who had to make it through this This entire podcast Hey, if you're

Cutter 40:01
eating right now I'm so I'm so sorry. But this is so much worse than Owens. No, but this is funnier. I think it is worse than Owens though it from from a from a like, like beam perspective, this is much more adult. Yeah. But I think I think this one, partially by virtue of it being much more adult is funnier because it is it is just like a whole bunch of like, Man, I can't believe that happened. I like that I think that's good, but either way. l thank you so much for your stories. Hey, real quick while l is listening to my stories. If you like the podcast, be sure to hit the subscribe button wherever you're listening, whether that's on Spotify, Google podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts so you'll never miss an episode. Also, just so that you all remember my two stories. Here's a quick recap. In my first story, I met a cute girl on Cruz, who ended up being a flat earther and she later claimed that fate would bring us back together. In my second story, I went to get ice cream with a friend who brought along her 25 year old co worker, only for her to show me an alphabet game of names of people she had had sex with. And once my friends told her once my friend told her my name, she reached out to me multiple times to try to add me to that list. Alright, with all that out of the way, let's get back into the action. Well, oh, those were two phenomenal slapstick stories that come from an interesting, interesting source. But I do like them. I really, really do. And I think they fit this theme really, really well. Honestly, I think these two stories fit this theme the best because they are still funny. I can't believe this happen. You'll never believe me. But stories. They just have a more adult theme around them. Yeah. But either way, I now have to make my guess between these two stories. And here's what I'll say. I do believe that the lead up to the second story is true. I believe all that stuff about Grindr, like 100% is especially if it works in that way, I believe all of that like lead into it.

Unknown Speaker 42:04
However,

Cutter 42:07
there is so much going on in that in the coming quarter story that I I'd be so impressed. If whatever if even any part of that you had come up with and like and lied about barring like the lead up to it. Like I think like I like, at least for me, I would never be able to come up with this seems like something that would go on top 10 creative, interesting ways to jack off. Anyone if you had seen it. I don't think I would have been like, Yeah, this is the one I tried. And even if I had been able to come up with that, like I don't think I would have been like and then when I tried to take it apart the quarter shot across the room and disappeared. And so for that reason and because I don't know I feel like I feel like the the story that your second story is more believable. Yeah, and I think because of that, I'm going to say that your first story with the with the balloon and the quarter is true.

Elle 43:10
Yeah. Is it come quarter? Sure. Yeah. Wow.

Cutter 43:15
That is phenomenal. So it really is just gone. There's a little piece you left behind.

Elle 43:19
I try not to think about it every day. My life. I think

Cutter 43:23
that's so fair. And now you're reliving it for for me for the content.

Elle 43:28
Trauma is very funny. Trauma is funny. Honestly. Drama makes people funny. Especially my funny. Like my trauma is funny. Your trauma.

Cutter 43:37
Your trauma, specifically with this is very funny. Absolutely. It is. Yeah. So okay, that does raise the important question. What of that second story was untrue?

Elle 43:50
Well, the Grindr stuff is true. Yo,

Cutter 43:51
yeah, no, absolutely. I mean, my favorite,

Elle 43:53
but that happened like last week.

Cutter 43:57
No, certainly. No,

Elle 43:59
no, that was all like, the last couple. I just got grinder. Okay, gotcha. My long term relationship ended recently. Mm hmm. Maybe I shouldn't say that part. That's fine. Um,

Cutter 44:13
so So the grinder stuff is is mostly true. What I can at least understand is that that second story is not true in some way

Elle 44:25
is alright, you know, I'll just say every element of it happened just not together.

Cutter 44:30
Ah, you've you've created a Franken story. Yes, that is a very popular story type to happen on you'll ever believe me. But yeah, a lot of people will make those little little Franken stories is the easiest. It is easy. It's super easy. And especially when you manage to have Franken stories with such similar types as as this had to be created from that works. That works perfectly. Yeah. So no, that's phenomenal. I do like that Franken story, but that doesn't mean that I did get it right, which let's go by the way, I'm having a killer time. I'ma season my record. Perfect. I don't miss I don't know what it is this season, but I've figured it out. Well, either way. Hell, you need to listen to my two stories to make your guests. Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back. Well, l those were my two stories. What do you think? I've lots of thoughts, lots of thoughts. Pray tell, please.

Elle 45:23
I think you're a very talented storyteller. Thank you. I do appreciate that. You're a very talented podcaster. Thank you. This is something that you've very clearly worked hard on. And I think probably this is all speculation, but probably one of the things you were thinking about the most when starting the season was your two stories. Absolutely. And setting them up and stuff. I and I know this is crazy, because everyone's like, Oh, how would you even come up with the How would you even come up with that? They're both like, fantastic. Sorry. Thank you. Sure. Um, specifically, my favorite is the buck in

Cutter 46:01
Flat Earther. Oh, no, absolutely. That's always hilarious. It's no, absolutely.

Elle 46:06
Really, really, really funny. Yeah, it's really clever. Yep. It's one of those. How could you come up with that moment? Fuckin come quarter story. Yeah, for example. I think that's a fake one.

Cutter 46:16
You think? Okay, so you believe that I was made the target of a 25 year olds sexual alphabet game. And that I have crafted this narrative of the flat like having a fling with a flat earther on the cruise.

Elle 46:31
You definitely told those two different stories a little slightly differently. Sure. No, absolutely. The first one is similar to the way that I told my stories were like, the first ones like you had, like, so many good details. Like the mom jeans detail almost made me feel like I'm wanting to attack in something that was true that I have sure sure this story that didn't happen.

Cutter 46:55
Ah, understood. So you think I've grafted something on to a true story? Yeah. For to make to make this first lie.

Elle 47:02
Yeah, that it's like a masterful story. And I think capable. And I think that you did do

Cutter 47:08
Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. We will have to wait and see unfortunately, but fortunately, it's only one more week you are my last guest for after dark this little mini season that we're doing. So next week, we will I will actually get to reveal which of these two stories is true. We shall see if you're right, and if this sexual alphabet game story is true, or if I have actually had a fling with a flat earther on a cruise. Which I mean, come on. What uh what did it what did what a crazy thing to happen either way?

Elle 47:43
What a great story. Which

Cutter 47:44
one do you hope is true?

Elle 47:46
I hope the Flat Earther one is true. It's fair. I hope that because the other ones harassment and is a little Yeah, like, I don't know. I think it's kind of messed up. Especially considering the age difference. Yeah, that's that's pretty fucked up. I think that's yeah, I'm trying to not grooming but like, maybe sort of in that territory. I

Cutter 48:04
understand what you're saying. Yeah, but no, I understand. I understand thinking that. That one is that one is more true. Than the flatter one.

Elle 48:13
I don't even necessarily think there's there's even stuff about that one that threw me off. Like you said, I'm going to for ice cream. I pretty I don't even know why I thought I heard you say this, but I thought I heard you say ice cream and catch up.

Cutter 48:28
I did not. Yes. To get ice cream and catch up. Oh, yeah. No, that would be odd to go for ice cream and catch up. Yeah, yes. To get ice cream. And to catch up was like that was such a weird thing. That would be a weird detail. I totally agree. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Well, l

Elle 48:44
thank you so much for your guests. l

Cutter 48:47
thank you for joining me. I think today, if nothing else, we learned that there will always be a little part of you. That stays in Metcalf. 10th floor.

Unknown Speaker 48:58
Oh, no. l do

Cutter 48:59
you have? Do you have anything? I mean, where can listeners find more of you?

Elle 49:05
Um, they can find more of me in the lock in 24 hour. World college radio Day video that just went up on the WKNC YouTube and that's all your work right? Yeah, there's my first big project with WKNC I did an interview but before that, but this is like the thing is my first 24 hour shoot

Cutter 49:27
Yeah, way insane insane. Yeah, we did a 24 hour celebration for those of you that don't know a world called radio de l our video our videographer for that whole event created an amazing amazing highlights video seriously. Go check it out. What's the it's the WC rd highlights video on the WKNC

Elle 49:45
I think it's called YouTube. Wait if you

Cutter 49:49
if you go to the WKNC YouTube or any of our social medias, we are promoting it seriously. It is a phenomenal video I really do recommend you check it out if you missed even a minute of world God Radio day because there was a lot that happened in those 24 hours. There was really a lot l thank you so much for joining me. Thank you. That will do it for this episode. Our intro music is popping off of compositions to used under the Creative Commons License found on Free Music Archive outro music is vintage news of Production Music used under the Creative Commons License also found our Free Music Archive. I've been cutter. This has been you'll never believe me but after dark and thank you all for listening. Good night.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai